"When someone with the
authority of a teacher,
say, describes the world
and you are not in it, there
is a moment of psychic
disequilibrium, as
if you looked into a mirror
and saw nothing. Yet
you know you exist and
others like you, that this
is a game with mirrors.
It takes some
strength of soul--and not
just individual strength,
but collective
understanding--to resist
this void, this non-being,
into which you are
thrust, and to stand up,
demanding to be seen and heard."
--Adrienne Rich
Here's the critical thing to remember: we are
all "outsiders." Some of us are more
obviously such, and more easily labeled.
But the phenomenon of "existential
loneliness" arises from the fact that
deep inside, we all have a voice that
says we are different. Alone. No
one understands us, or ever will.
A typical reaction to this is to seek
alliance with a group, some mass
of humanity in which we can
submerge ourselves, and thereby
assuage our loneliness. But
deep inside, that sense of apartness
never completely leaves.
We can tumble into the void.
Many do. Or...we can embrace
the void, embrace the very
destruction of the illusion of
similarity, the safety of social
camouflage.
Once you accept the reality of
separateness, the reality of
other-ness, where does it leave
you? If you are a writer or an
artist, you can speak from your
individual truth, understand
that your real purpose in life
is to understand the way in
which you see and experience
a world subtly unlike the
world any other human being
has ever seen or experienced.
If you are a parent or teacher,
you can free your children
and students from the tyranny
of trying to be "the same" when
there is no possible way to do so.
There never was. The masks
we wear to try to look the same
as others is simply too heavy to
bear, too clumsy to allow us to
navigate our lives with elegance.
And ultimately, by the strangest
paradox, it is in embracing your
uniqueness that you actually
join the human family completely.
The illusion is conformity. The
reality is uniqueness...and yet,
we are all the same in that we
are unique. The masks we wear
to hide in the crowd actually
separate us and reinforce our
loneliness. ALONENESS is
one thing--the universal human
condition. LONELINESS is
an emotional ab-reaction, the
result of not being honest with
yourself about who and what
you are. Befriend yourself.
Nurture yourself. Love yourself.
Ruthlessly support yourself to
be the best you can be in the
world. You leave the crowd as
you begin to climb the mountain.
But as you climb, you find a
tribe of those who have also
chosen the uncommon path.
And when you get higher still,
you look around and realize
that the only illusion is that it
is possible for us to be separate
from that which created all.
That illusion is the source of
all evil. The awakening is the
fountain of all healing.
